Bollywood Jokes

After a great success of Aishwarya Rai"s movie Bride & Prejudice all over the world, Indian government wanted a special postage stamp with her picture on it to recognize her. Government stress that it should be world class. The stamps were released, and Indian Government & Aishwarya Rai both were pleased. But within a couple of days, began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. Indian Government ordered CBI to investigate the matter. CBI checked out at several post offices, and then reported to the Government Officials that: "The stamp is really world class. The problem is, all the peoples are licking on the wrong side of the stamp."
Here is the reason. Why Newton Committed Suicide.....
Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.
In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid.
Here are a few scenes
Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can"t be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody"s surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!
In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... the gangster dies...
This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn"t changed. Oops, not so fast!
The "climax" finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can"t jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it"s the climax. (Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?) Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Kitne bugs the, Sambha??
Chal Dhanno!!! Aaj Basanti ke appraisal ka sawaal hai!!
Hum angrezo ke zamane ke tester hain!!!
Ye software nahin, phasi ka phanda hain, developer… !!!
Jo jaldi gaya ..samjho mar gaya !!
Gabbar se keh do…..Ramgad walon ne software develop karna band kar diya hai……… ……..
Release kab hai….kab hai release?? >
Yeh chutti hamein de de PM………. nay nay……..
Sambha, Kitna PM, PL rakkha hai re HR hamare upar ??
Door kisi cubicle mein jab developer bura code likhta hai toh PL kehta hai :
Bete code sudhar, nahi to tester aa jayega….
Aur tum 3….. Gabbar ka software hack kar ke aa gaye…….. ..
Tumhara designation kya hai, software engineer?
Testers se keh do….wo log 2 bugs karenge toh hum 4 fix karenge….. .
developer aur module 6………buhut nainsafi hai!!!
Sardar, maine aapka module develop kiya hai……..
Ab test kar……… …..
Ke, yoonke, dekhne wali baat toh yeh hai, mujhe increment kab milega …….?
Aamir Khan, Vivek Oberoi and Salman Khan die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don"t step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, Aamir accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"
The next day, Vivek Uberoi steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn"t miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for Aamir Khan.
Salman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, Aishwarya Rai. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. Salman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
She replies, "I don"t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"


Here are some very funny jokes of munnabhai and circuit.Munna Bhai M.B.B.S. is a 2003 Indian musical comedy directed by Rajkumar Hirani and produced by Vidhu Vinod Chopra with a story much closer to the 1998 film Patch Adams. It is the first film in the popular Munna Bhai series of Bollywood and stars Sanjay Dutt, Arshad Warsi, Sunil Dutt, Gracy Singh and Boman Irani. The central protagonist, Munna Bhai, (Sanjay Dutt) goes to medical school in Munna Bhai M.B.B.S. He is helped by his sidekick, Circuit (Arshad Warsi).


PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?

MUNNA BHAI : Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.

MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.

CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.

MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.

CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

MAMU : Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?

GIRL : Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

CIRCUIT : Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.

MUNNABHAI : Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?

CIRCUIT : Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.

MAMU : Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.

MUNNA BHAI : Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?

MAMU : Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.

PROFESSOR : Akal badi ki bhais?

MUNNA BHAI : Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

MUNNA BHAI : Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI : Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT : Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN : What is this?

CIRCUIT : Bread India

Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN : What is this?

CIRCUIT : Sweet India With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks …

ENGLISHMAN : What is that?

CIRCUIT : Air India

CIRCUIT :Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?

MAMU : Nehin.

CIRCUIT :To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

MUNNA BHAI : Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.

MAMU : Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?

MUNNA BHAI : Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.

MUNNA BHAI: Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?

MAMU : B.A.

MUNNA BHAI : Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?

MAMU : Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.

MAMU KA DOST Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

CIRCUIT : Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?

SHORT CIRCUIT : Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.

PRINCIPAL : Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu